....that really IS a question.
I shared recently that I joined a swingers site to see if I could find those folks in my life who live as openly as I aspire to do. It has never been just about sex, as I have too many liberal viewpoints that I desire these days to share. My politics are too enveloping, my professional experience needs lots of open boundary from a partner, my very philosophies are those of extreme tolerance and fairness...and even in all this, I continue to learn new lessons.
But since we all place our sexual proclivities at or near the top of any life's list, I sought this out as a way to satisfy some of those needs. I've been fortunate in having my share of sexual dalliances that involve more than one person and I deeply enjoy it. Now in the swinger lifestyle (in case there is anyone who is not aware), it is a couples activity for the vast majority of participants, who then make their own rules between them as to how far they want, are willing or agree to go. The anathema of the swinger these days is the single man. So many men just go into it to find pussy, to get off themselves, and they have developed the impression of not caring for anything or anyone else. As a result, single men of all ages are often highly restricted or simply banned from entering clubs, for instance.
As I have reached out to some folks on this site, I realize that this is quite an uphill climb I have in finding that partner. Yes, there are single women who are interested in finding single men. The experience they share, almost to a person, is that most single men only WANT that one thing and will not offer anything else in the experience...things like intelligence. Respect. Open discussion. Even allowing the woman they are with to participate with others while IN the club. For Pete's sake, guys, it IS a swingers club. What's good for the goose and all...You want some, you gotta let her have some, too.
So I am coming to the conclusion that men...and this is not age-restricted...need to let go of that conservative (isn't that ironic, using that word in this kind of situation), possessive, restrictive, dare I say Neanderthal attitude toward women, and we need to do it NOW. I do my best to not be one of those people, and I also try to practice what I preach...although lately, opportunity hasn't necessarily been available. So many of the ads from both couples and single women say in bold caps NO SINGLE MEN.
Rather embarrassing. Totally unnecessary. And once again, it forces those of us who are trying to be honest in the endeavor to work that much harder to find the fun. And to convince women that there really are those of us out here who are interested in more than just shooting a load, because we think too often with the wrong fucking head.
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6 comments:
Don't you just hate those stereotypes biting you in the ass even here, in the club / lifestyle you are investigating??
Well, hope you find a panacea somewhere....
now i am wondering though, if most men( I did say most) are not more "pack animals"?
needing to be very territorial?
i mean truly, isn't that why we seem to have so many wars?
over invisible lines drawn in the sand?
my 2 pence
SG - I DETEST them. But they say that within many tall tales, there is often a grain of truth... damn it all...
Sorrow -- Your two pence have more than their face value. There's some weight to what you say.
I finally made my way over here after getting your e-mail this morning (I'll reply to that sometime this weekend- I promise!)...
I have to take exception with your comment about "No single men", because Veronica and I are one of those couples. The fact of the matter is that for some of us in the swinging community, adding a man for a MFM 3some just isn't what we're looking for.
Unfortunately, there are a great many single men, without a fucking clue, who join swingers sites and overwhelm couples with their e-mails. Veronica once had a profile on AdultFriendFinder looking for another woman, just for herself, yet on a daily basis at least 1 or 2 men would e-mail her anyway. She would kindly reply to each of them, many of whom would persist in trying to convince her of how awesome they were. The same thing has happened to us on a swingers site, so we started blocking single men from viewing us. So in spite of what you said, it is TOTALLY necessary for some of us.
Yes, Veronica enjoys having 2 men at once on occasion. But always as part of a 4some with another couple. We KNOW we're not interested in a purely MFM encounter. That's why we say "No single men".
I hope this doesn't come across too harsh, I just wanted to share our view on the matter.
Oh, one other thing. There are single men who are so convinced of their awesomeness that they create a "couples" profile, yet when we try to confirm that there really is a woman there, lo and behold, they retreat into the shadows. We've even heard first-hand stories of men showing up to a date with another couple and claiming "sorry, so-and-so wasn't feeling well, so rather than cancel I thought I come by myself". Yeah, right...
Hubman, I was referring to other things than couples when 'no single men' comes up. You know,like clubs, personals sites, that kind of thing. Hell, I'm fully aware that it is, indeed, a couples activity, and I think I said so. In any case, you and every other couple have every right to include or exclude. And if my frustration at trying to find my own way here comes across in a negative way, then I'll take that heat and apologize. Understand that I would never, EVER push myself on ANYONE. I'm just trying to find a partner in life (for more reasons other than swinging, naturally) whose spirit would lend itself to enjoying it.
That's all I was trying to say.
Ahhhh, something I've actually seen first hand. Recently.
I met B on a swinger site, and he is a Single Male. And he finally left the site in disgust at the way he was treated by the women. Yes, the women. Like a disposable piece of meat. A body to be fucked, maybe, and his feelings be damned.
Now, I have played with other Single Males from the website and they are having a blast and we had fun together. But they caution that being a Single Male in a Swinger atmosphere is not for the sensitive guys. If you want to be with a couple, you MUST kiss up to the male and put him at ease because it'll be HIS wife you fuck. And the Single Women? They are being innundated with requests to meet.
But there are groups within the Swinger community that have parties to just meet others and those are fun and could be fruitful. At least you start with the openness that you, and she, want sex.
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