I read a recent post from our friend Kyra. It made me think about the women I've been fortunate enough to share with. And it inspired me to write a bit.
Sometimes I am absolutely embarrassed by how really self-centered and ultimately stupid some men can be sometimes. Especially about sex. You cannot take without giving; in the end, you get nothing. A man must know that the give-and-take in sex is EARNED and EXPERIENCED, not EXPECTED or ENTITLED. You want a woman to suck your cock, you have to give her a good reason to do so, and not just say it. We earn our respect in every part of life. She will dearly LOVE to give it back to you when you show her how much you want her. It works for me this way the vast majority of the time.
From the most romantic moments to the most lustful and even profane ones that we all occasionally enjoy, it's always smarter to SHOW her why you want her by giving her pleasure FIRST. It establishes trust. It communicates to her how attractive you believe she is, how alluring and desirable. There is a vibe there that you can take the initiative on by simply foregoing your own immediate pleasure for a while. Give it to her. Or better yet, give her the impression that she is TAKING IT from you. There is a strength and power in giving such things to others...it is NOT a sign of weakness. And what in the world is wrong, gentlemen, with being just a bit vulnerable once in a while?
NOTHING.
Even in my own newly refreshed pleasures, I have seen that it is absolutely best to offer her comfort and release BEFORE yours. It doesn't always have to work this way, of course, and I do believe that experienced and passionate lovers get this. If you are new to each other...or if there is a dynamic existing where she is submissive to you...GIVE her the pleasure before taking your own. The very act of being submissive is, in itself, the strongest, most courageous thing that a woman can offer a man, in my own opinion. I know, in my own sexuality, that I practice a very bold mix of old-fashioned chauvinism and a healthy respect and even urging of a woman's boldness and her expressed desires. If she gives me her body to play with, I OWE HER the respect of turning her on as much as the impulse requires. From there, you have given to each other in such a unique way that no one can disrupt the moments.
I suppose this comes from a recognition on my own part that MEN AND WOMEN DO HAVE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN EACH OTHER THAT MUST BE ACKNOWLEDGED. The equality comes in seeing the roles that need to be played. And YES, they can ALSO reverse themselves...I deeply enjoy a woman who feels confident enough to take the initiative...it doesn't always need to work just this way or just that way...for those of you who think that is what I'm saying.
But for me, this is where it all starts, guys. Giving FIRST. NEVER take first....Now...Let the debate commence.
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9 comments:
Hmmmm Is this a question or a statement?:)
I suppose it's both. I just cannot abide selfishness in the bedroom. I really do believe what I share here. Eventually it all solves itself through the developing dynamic between me and a lover.
I think both parties need put each others needs first. There is no way you can walk into that situation with just yourself in mind and expect to have a good time. But I do like the way you think! :)
In my experience, I've found that if a man gives first, then the woman responds in kind when it's his "turn." Unselfishness in all things sexual is the key to opening that trust and communication that's so critical to true satisfaction. Again, in my experience. Especially recent experience, in which my partner is helping me find ways to get over old wounds that I didn't realize were holding me back from being completely open.
Thanks for this post, Ron. I really think it's something that needs to be heard!
:o) BJ
Well you already know I agree with you. You've explained it well. It is those differences that in my opinion require this. A woman needs to open up to a man physically, as such he needs to give first. I'm all about giving, but as you said, only to someone who I trust is going to take care of me as a priority.
You speak the truth dear man.
However, I never even knew men could focus on giving like that until a wake up call not too long ago. I, and many it seems, spent way too long giving and giving and giving....with little in return.
Good post!
xx
Surprisingly, in bed, most of my recent conquests were very giving, wanting me to enjoy myself first and often more than once.
Now if I could just find a man like that outside the bedroom too - I'd be all set! ;)
How many men could benefit from reading this post! I agree with Gray that both parties need to look after the others' needs, but I believe men are less about the foreplay or giving the woman a reason to WANT to engage in anything sexual. More than pulling it out and looking at us with a suggestive "...so you wanna?"
Great piece Ron!
Interesting rant, my friend. Mutual pleasure is so important. Too much emphasis on one partner's needs/wishes and the willingness to give decreases. Even when we are in full D/s play, B will surprise me with pinning me down and plying his tongue until I'm limp from cumming. Dominating me in demanding/making me cum? Whatever one wants to call it, it definitely works and puts me in a mood to pleasure him all the more. And it allows me to give my body to him to play with as well, to use for his pleasure.
Damn, that's hot. ;)
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