Some questions on my mind -- I'd love your feedback. I have my own thoughts, my own curiosity, and I'll share them in a future post. But for now, it would be interesting to see how my friends and readers react.
1. Do you think that sex can be a part of a real and loving friendship without becoming
a romantic entity of its own?
2. Do you believe that an open sexual relationship can truly work with a life partner?
3. How receptive would you be to a partner's intimate suggestion which might be outside the
regular realm that you experience together?
4. Have you ever made suggestion of the same to your own partner? What was the reaction?
5. How important are your own intimate needs, in comparison to other life priorities?
6. A scenario: You and your partner are at a social gathering. As the evening progresses, you meet someone you enjoy. You find that there are sparks, chemistry between you. What would you do about your attraction and your impulse to act on it?
There are some things that I have always believed in with regard to a truly open, sexual relationship. Two of them go absolutely hand-in-hand: real, embracing trust in your idea AND in your partner...and broad, no-holds-barred, loving communication between you that you both understand and exchange. A third is the much-needed entity of compromise. Neither partner will always get what they want, nor will they be denied what they want if both will meet each other halfway. Finally, the idea of openness should be applied not only in the bedroom, but in all areas of life for any of it to work. The best way, in my belief, for a real, loving relationship to grow and moving forward is to be willing to look at love, career, family, friends, interests and the like in the same uninhibited, boundary-less way...When the limits are established, it will be because BOTH of you agree.
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Some ponderings and answers... this might get a bit long...
1. Do you think that sex can be a part of a real and loving friendship without becoming
a romantic entity of its own?
Yes. (hmm that wasn't long, was it. lol)
2. Do you believe that an open sexual relationship can truly work with a life partner?
I'm not sure what open means in this context. If it means that both partners are truly honest with each other about sex, then that's the only way I think it will work well. The couple might survive, but that's not the best scenario.
If, however, by "open" you are referring to either partner free to fuck anyone else outside the relationship that they please... I'm mixed. I'm tainted. I tried it in my 1st marriage and it failed, miserably. However, that relationship was damaged from the start anyway. And so far, I've not been willing to risk it with this marriage -- I think he would be broken-hearted.
So my current answer has to be "not for me, not right now." Ever? Well, there are probably people who could make it work.
3. How receptive would you be to a partner's intimate suggestion which might be outside the
regular realm that you experience together?
Very receptive... I'm confident in his love for me.
4. Have you ever made suggestion of the same to your own partner? What was the reaction?
I've proposed a 1-time FFM and it was received ok, as a common fantasy that he wouldn't turn down.
5. How important are your own intimate needs, in comparison to other life priorities?
I have a lot of life-stuff going on right now - kids, work, etc. However, I also know that if I'm terribly unhappy, terribly horny or some other terrible thing, the entire unit will be miserable. I try to balance. (cue wonder-woman theme song here.)
6. A scenario: You and your partner are at a social gathering. As the evening progresses, you meet someone you enjoy. You find that there are sparks, chemistry between you. What would you do about your attraction and your impulse to act on it?
At the current status of my life. I would do nothing to act on it, but simply enjoy that spark right then but not take it any further.
Wow...thanks, JRM, for your honesty and your depth. I really didn't expect it; it's a nice surprise.
Ron. Dear. You should always know that if you ask seriously, I will answer seriously and fully honestly. I will not coat it in what I think you might want to read - that's for flirting ;)
1. not sure.
2. no.
3. I can be open,
4. Depends on the guy. ex husband, no. Chief, yes.
5. Very important.
6. Flirt, but not go any further.
Sorry, but I don't like sharing!
Vi -- Understood. That's why I put it out there. I respect you a lot.
Questions smuestions...I'm just here to say Happy Valentines to my favorite Cupid! Will you be mine?
Love ya baby!
XX
Secret -- I am always yours. Always.
Hey, Ron. I had to think about this one a bit. Unfortunately, the extra reflection did not provide me with much additional clarity. Essentially, you've hit on all the questions that I find to be most confusing, but here goes:
1) Yes.
2) No. This does not mean I would not be open to it, but the question was whether I believe it can truly work. Sadly, no I don't. I just think that most humans have a natural tendency to be somewhat jealous and possessive because people are also naturally somewhat egocentric. I think over time, the need to feel "the most special" to someone else will get in the way.
3) Very receptive. I think. Hasn't happened, so I guess it's hard to say for sure. There's always the, "well, depends on what it is..." dilemma.
4) No. Not directly. Although I have started "demonstrating" my suggestions although not actually "verbalizing" them. So far the response has been a positive one.
5) Currently, equal. Two years ago, I would have responded with less important. Two years from now, who knows?
6) Enjoy the rush, flirt like crazy, and then come home and write a fantasy about it on my blog.
Good questions, Ron. Thanks for the opportunity for introspection. We will all be interested to read your thoughts on this later as well.
1.Sex for me has to be part of a bigger relationship nowadays. Did the zipless fucks when I was in my 20s. If you have a trusting relationship with a partner then sex has it's place as part of a bigger picture.
2.I don't think open relationships work if you mean related to other sexual partners. I believe that people get into those to inject life into a failing relatationship.
3.4. I think if two people trust each other then they should be able to be free enough to be open about their desires. Whether they get round to doing them depends on the safeness of the relationship.
And so far it's just fine!!
5. has always been important to me, I love it, but I'm learning now that there are other things that make a truly good relationship. And that is a revelation to me. Which goes someway to answer why I've always had such shit relationships in the past.
6.At the start of a relationship it wouldn't happen. Then depending on the state of my relationship I might flirt back.
Done too many married men to ever want to go there again. And I do tend to be a one man women at a time!
pxx
1. Do you think that sex can be a part of a real and loving friendship without becoming
a romantic entity of its own?
Yes I truly do. One can only illustrate with one's own experiences ... I love my husband truly, prodoundly, he is my life, he is my family man and my future. He is the father of my children and our lives are bound in stone. My lover and (imaginary) mistress are secret gardens that I nurture with determination, lust and need ... I love them both ... but hubbie comes first always ... does this answer this question?
2. Do you believe that an open sexual relationship can truly work with a life partner?
oops I guess I got the quesions 1 and 2 all mixed up ... but the answer is still yes ... sex is magic, sex is wonderful, but the power of sex in every day life is far too overstated, exagerated, and currently hovering over us from its pedestal ... watch your heads ..... CRASH ..... my life partner need not worry about that particular pedestal!
3. How receptive would you be to a partner's intimate suggestion which might be outside the
regular realm that you experience together?
Our realm is so ... large for you ... that its difficult to answer it in your terms ... the answer is probably no, simply because so much is permitted ...
4. Have you ever made suggestion of the same to your own partner? What was the reaction? I must be far blonder than I thought, I don't get the question here ... suffice it to say, he has always been happy as long as I'm happy, no matter what ... emphasis on 'no matter what'
5. How important are your own intimate needs, in comparison to other life priorities?
My children are my life. their priorities override my own and anybody elses ... I think it must be an instinctive thing cos its really powerful. Once past the 'my kids' hurdle, intimate needs are very important ; my shower head, my electronic finger gloves, my illuminous yellow bath duck are all amongst my best friends!
6. A scenario: You and your partner are at a social gathering. As the evening progresses, you meet someone you enjoy. You find that there are sparks, chemistry between you. What would you do about your attraction and your impulse to act on it?
Absolutely out of the question as long as he is around. When he is around, he is all I want.
Once he's gone to bed ... did you say he or she was well endowed / had collosal knockers???
Huge snogs
Tulips
xxx
Hello, all...It is fascinating to get these reactions...the depth, I did not expect. Thank you.
1. Of course you can have sex in a friendship. As long as you are open in your intent, all will be well, in my opinion.
2. Yes I do believe that an open sexual relationship works. Now... what does that mean? To me, it is simply that whatever is on the mind of either partner should be up for discussion and agreement. I've NEVER advocated free fucking for anyone. It all has to be shared first. Also ... the word 'open' has to apply EVERYWHERE -- sexually, politically, professionally, personally, etc. In other words, it is a LIFESTYLE choice that BOTH partners appreciate.
3. Again, if the communication and the trust is there, any logical suggestion can be entertained from the woman in my life and vice versa.
4. Yes, I've proposed several things to partners. Some were accepted, some were not. But thankfully, nearly all of them were put on the table. That's a good sign.
5. Just as priorities change, the importance of those priorities change as well, according to the climate of life at the moment. As a general rule, I always, always make sure that my partner's satisfaction and wellbeing comes first before my own.
6. I would certainly appreciate 'her' viewpoint on what is happening right then, just as I would hope that she would offer me the same respect. Just come talk to me, honey. Let me know what's on your mind...let US see what is important.
As you can see, so much of what I personally espouse is dependent on meeting each other halfway. The trust and communication is vital, paramount to ANY kind of happiness and fun...but applies in particular to the sexual realm.
Oh!Shit! ~ I'm so behind in things. Ron, I need to think about these questions some more. Will it be okay to answer later this week? That is if you still want input.
Hi, Byrd -- Don't worry. I'm fine.
1. I dont know. I have a romantic soul. I cannot really believe that I would be able to enter into such an act without emotional commitment.
2. Maybe for some people but not for me. Im too needy and I would get jealous.
3. I love trying new things. If Ruf has an idea that he wants to investigate together, then Im all for it. However, threesomes are going to cause problems because of my jealousy.
4. Sure, Im always getting toys that will take us to new dimensions. I like to experiment.
5. When I wasnt having emotionally rewarding sex, I wasnt having good sex and I was miserable. I abstained for a long while rather than take part in something I didnt enjoy. Now that I am regularly getting good sex, I want it more and more but, because I am so much more stable emotionally, I am a much nicer person to be with and dont get so angry all the time.
6. Flirt outrageously but go home with my Ruf. Not going to do anything that could endanger our relationship. Fortunately he doesnt get jealous and understands that I need attention.
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