I first wrote these in August of 2008. They still apply. And I offer them up for further perusal and ask for your feedback.
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This post will not be for everyone....several of my posts lately have had that same effect....but it is well-meaning and as honest as I know how to be. I suppose you might call this my own credo of sexual conduct, my own look at what I like, what I offer and what I want. These are not set in stone and there is always crossover. But I feel reasonably confident here.
1. I treat a woman with respect first. Always first. Nothing can happen unless this is in play.
2. Her comfort level with me is always paramount. Once she knows she is in a good place, she can and just might offer you anything.
3. We need to understand each other in a open forum on everything....not just fucking.
4. I must be aware of what she is experiencing with me as much as humanly possible.
5. I want to improve my love and sex techniques as the opportunity will allow.
6. She has to tell me what she wants in some way on occasion. I gave up mindreading a long time ago.
7. Anticipating some of those needs is a slightly different creature. Many women have that traditional sense of desiring a man who can lead the way for a while.
8. We must be willing to try anything reasonable agreed upon in the bedroom and out of it.
9. If I want good, strong fucking, I need to be a strong example for her to respond to me. If I cannot for the moment, I need to say so....it really is a partnership, this sex thing.
10. Take it all as it comes. Planning the moment is great; being IN the moment itself takes patience and improvisation. Not every woman can suck my cock in the way I like unless I can tell her how I do like it. Conversely, if she likes it rough and I'm being too gentle, she needs to feel the freedom to tell me so.
11. Good women in this realm need to be cultivated. There aren't many, and the prize of it all will reward you forever. Again, if she knows that you have her best interests at heart, you can be her master, her partner, whatever you both enjoy...and vice versa.
12. I want to be able to say what I want to say in bed and know that it will be taken in the fun, lustful way it is meant. Words are just that.....words. It's the intent behind them that is much more important. A great little slut or whore or hot bitch is one of the highest compliments I can give you when my sword is drawn. Language is a vastly underrated part of the sexual realm.
I will add to and refine these as time goes by. And I would love your suggestions.
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5 comments:
1. OK, dig respect!
2. Yep, may take a while but that is a key ingredient!
3. Well, should try your best but ain't always possible though imo....
4. WTF does that mean? Like she bleeds stream of conscious 24 /7? come on???
5. Great!!
6. But you should not have. It can lead to the best connections!!!
7. So, you do not wish to lead? Cool, just trying to capture the landscape here...
8. Yep, for sure!
9. Not always...I think you have too much pressure on self here.
10. Ohh, am a big believer in not over-planning. Way better to see the chemistry and follow the natural course of events.
11. Sorry, dear friend, I don't even know what the fuck this mean...cultivated? Are we in chemistry lab here???
12. Learning this. Words by one are not the same as words by another...takes time an reason I suppose.
OK. Shew...this was kinda like work here. need a glass of wine now. xxoo
SG -- Happy to debate and share:
4. Too often men are in it for the fuck and pay no attention to her needs... That's what I mean.
7. On the contrary, my own penchant is to lead more often than not. I'm referring to those lovers I've had in my life who
lay there like fish and expect a man to take charge. I do like a real, vocal, opinionated woman under me...
9. This is a result of my own history. And this also (as I am a bit older than many out here) might be a generational thing... I LOVE strong women. There are many more NOW than there were when I was 25 or 30.
11. In this rule, 'cultivating' means helping her realize that she's in this with me, that she's just as viable and important... Again, as I look at this, some of it may come from my own historical perspective...which has me a much more liberal peg in a very conservative hole.
Damn...the one thing I didn't expect out of this...someone is actually making me think in different ways! You see why I like you now?
So often, men say to women, "Just tell me what you want."
This seems like such an eminently nice-guy thing, and I agree with your notion that mind-reading shouldn't be a necessary skill in intimate relationships.
But: he who dares goes first.
I have to admit, when someone who wants something from me says, "Just tell me what you want," I read it as: "You go first, I don't want to take the risk of telling you who I really am."
He who dares goes first; and he who dares, wins.
Helen -- Here is an example of experience vs. desire. Too many times...TOO many times I have taken the initiative only to be met with indifference. Or no reaction whatever. What I probably should do is sharpen the rule to say "Okay...if you don't or can't TELL me, then I will continue to offer what I can. Maybe we'll find something?!?" You see? Damned if you do, damned if you don't. That has been my own experience.
6- if only more women would understand that about us men! LOL...
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